Unemployed

I am a feminist.  Back in the 70's, I worked in the Lucy Stone Women's Center at the University of Wisconsin Green Bay.  I have a dual major degree in Women's Studies and Business Administration.  I never classified myself as a bra-burner type of feminist but I believed in choices for women. Choices with no judgment attached.    Choices in getting married or not married.  Choosing your partner.  Choosing to have a family or not.  Choices meant to work at home or to work outside the home.

I like going to the Optometrist because it's a doctor that doesn't hurt me or involve me taking off my clothes.  In the pre-screening office, the intake specialist is updating my record.  Age.  Height.  Weight.....pfft... I can lie easily because they don't have a scale.  Place of Employment.  I tell her I work in the home.  Oh, she says, "you're self-employed."  "No.  I say.  I stay at home and take care of my home and kids."  She's baffled.  There is no category.  "Retired, " she asks?   Nope.  Then, she says, "you're unemployed, then."  "No," I say, "I am choosing to stay and work at home."  She's dumbfounded, "I have to put you in a category and there isn't one that you fit in."

Every time our taxes roll around, I must admit that I cringe when I have to categorize myself on our tax forms.  I am listed as a "housewife."  Interesting category.  A housewife is what all of us baby boomers   had to be when we grew up.  Our choices involved being a teacher, secretary, nurse and, ultimately, a housewife.  In the heartland here, you got married early and had your babies right away.  It was a profession that was valued.  Now, in casual conversation, when a person asks what I do for a living and if I reply that I'm a housewife, I am devalued.  I see the look on his/her face; she is an uninteresting person who is stuck in her viewpoints, stuck in the values of women at her age.

I reflect back to the 70's where we thought that all women should be valued for the work she chose to do--in or outside the home.  Those were heady days when opportunities were opening in management, law and medicine.  Women supporting women.  Now, I see divisions among women.  Women staying at home and working outside the home.  Young vs Older Women.  Blue Collar vs White Collar.  Rural vs Urban.  I suppose the divisions are inevitable but I see judgment on both sides of the divisions.

Instead of looking at the divisions within our lives, I think about our similarities.  All women work very hard.  I tell my kids that the hardest job I have ever had is working at home.  It's hard physical labor doing laundry, cleaning the house, hauling out the garbage, cutting the grass, grocery shopping and chauffering.  I chose to homeschool my children, so I saw that as my additional job.  Having an outside job, means all this work inside the home as well as outside.  I haven't even mentioned the part about nuturing the relationship with your partner business.  Or parenting.  All this work is exhausting for us women.  Instead of seeing commonalities, we see divisions.

I ponder the question from the intake specialist at the Optometrist office.  I could say teacher, since I teach my children at home.  I could say that I am retired university instructor (true statement).  In the grand scheme of life, it doesn't really matter what I classify myself at the Optometrist's office.  I am who I am: an interesting person with life experience.  It's just a question that doesn't need analysis.  What does it matter really?  I tell her to mark, "unemployed."

While the eye doctor is peering into my eyes, he asks, "what kind of job are you looking for?"  I snicker and answer, "I'm quite happy with where I am at, right now.  Being unemployed."