I am a feminist. Back in the 70's, I worked in the Lucy Stone Women's Center at the University of Wisconsin Green Bay. I have a dual major degree in Women's Studies and Business Administration. I never classified myself as a bra-burner type of feminist but I believed in choices for women. Choices with no judgment attached. Choices in getting married or not married. Choosing your partner. Choosing to have a family or not. Choices meant to work at home or to work outside the home.
I like going to the Optometrist because it's a doctor that doesn't hurt me or involve me taking off my clothes. In the pre-screening office, the intake specialist is updating my record. Age. Height. Weight.....pfft... I can lie easily because they don't have a scale. Place of Employment. I tell her I work in the home. Oh, she says, "you're self-employed." "No. I say. I stay at home and take care of my home and kids." She's baffled. There is no category. "Retired, " she asks? Nope. Then, she says, "you're unemployed, then." "No," I say, "I am choosing to stay and work at home." She's dumbfounded, "I have to put you in a category and there isn't one that you fit in."
Every time our taxes roll around, I must admit that I cringe when I have to categorize myself on our tax forms. I am listed as a "housewife." Interesting category. A housewife is what all of us baby boomers had to be when we grew up. Our choices involved being a teacher, secretary, nurse and, ultimately, a housewife. In the heartland here, you got married early and had your babies right away. It was a profession that was valued. Now, in casual conversation, when a person asks what I do for a living and if I reply that I'm a housewife, I am devalued. I see the look on his/her face; she is an uninteresting person who is stuck in her viewpoints, stuck in the values of women at her age.
I reflect back to the 70's where we thought that all women should be valued for the work she chose to do--in or outside the home. Those were heady days when opportunities were opening in management, law and medicine. Women supporting women. Now, I see divisions among women. Women staying at home and working outside the home. Young vs Older Women. Blue Collar vs White Collar. Rural vs Urban. I suppose the divisions are inevitable but I see judgment on both sides of the divisions.
Instead of looking at the divisions within our lives, I think about our similarities. All women work very hard. I tell my kids that the hardest job I have ever had is working at home. It's hard physical labor doing laundry, cleaning the house, hauling out the garbage, cutting the grass, grocery shopping and chauffering. I chose to homeschool my children, so I saw that as my additional job. Having an outside job, means all this work inside the home as well as outside. I haven't even mentioned the part about nuturing the relationship with your partner business. Or parenting. All this work is exhausting for us women. Instead of seeing commonalities, we see divisions.
I ponder the question from the intake specialist at the Optometrist office. I could say teacher, since I teach my children at home. I could say that I am retired university instructor (true statement). In the grand scheme of life, it doesn't really matter what I classify myself at the Optometrist's office. I am who I am: an interesting person with life experience. It's just a question that doesn't need analysis. What does it matter really? I tell her to mark, "unemployed."
While the eye doctor is peering into my eyes, he asks, "what kind of job are you looking for?" I snicker and answer, "I'm quite happy with where I am at, right now. Being unemployed."
